By JAMEEL
In the name of Allah, the beneficent,Most-Merciful.
Being a socialist i have often had a question shooting (specially from women activist) towards me saying that why does people/ ulema always write & preach what a woman or wife should do, and never bother to say how should a man or a Husband should manage his behavior? whenever this question is asked, i use to clarify/answer them briefly that it is not the case exactly what they have presumed.
But deep inside me i had the feeling that i have to contribute some material in this regard, which will be helpful to men irrespective of their age groups and help in building a healthy & beautiful Muslim Society, so here's my humble contribution which can be taken as a 10 tips for How To Be A Successful Husband.
1. Dress up for your wife, look clean and smell good.When was the last time us men went shopping for designer pajamas? Just like the husband wants his wife to look nice for him, she also wants her husband to dress up for her too. Remember that Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - would always start with Miswak when returning home and always loved the sweetest smells.
2. Use the cutest names for your wife. Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - had nicknames for his wives, ones that they loved. Call your wife by the most beloved names to her, and always remember to avoid using names that hurt their feelings.
3. Dont treat her like a fly. We never think about a fly in our daily lives until it 'bugs' us. Similarly, a wife will do well all day - which brings no attention from the husband - until she does something to 'bug' him. Dont treat her like this; recognize all the good that she does for you, your family, you children and focus on that.
4. If you see wrong doing from your wife, try being silent or rather just be silent and do not comment on the situation whatsoever! This is one of the ways Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - used when he would see something inappropriate from his wives - radi Allahu anhunn. Its a technique that few Muslim men have mastered.
5. Smile at your wife whenever you see her and embrace her often. Smiling is Sadaqah and your wife is not exempt from the Muslim Ummah. Imagine life with her constantly seeing you smiling. Remember also those Ahadith when Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - would Smile his wives before leaving for Salah.
6. Thank her for all that she does for you. Then thank her again! Take for example a dinner at your house. She makes the food, cleans the home, and a dozen other tasks to prepare. And sometimes the only acknowledgement she receives is that there needed to be more salt in the soup. Dont let that be; thank her!
7. Ask her to write down the last ten things you did for her that made her happy. Then go and do them again. It may be hard to recognize what gives your wife pleasure. You dont have to play a guessing game, ask her and work on repeating those times in your life.
8. Dont belittle her desires. Comfort her. Sometimes the men may look down upon the requests of their wives. Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam set the example for us in an incident when Safiyyah - radi Allahu anha - was crying because, as she said, he had put her on a slow camel. He wiped her tears, comforted her, and brought her the camel.
9. Be humorous and Play games with your wife. Look at how Rasul Allah - SalAllahu alayhi wa sallam - would race his wife Aisha - radi Allahu anha - in the desert. When was the last time we did something like that?
10. Always remember the words of Allah's Messenger - SalAllahu alayhi wa sallam: "The best of you are those who treat their families the best. And I am the best amongst you to my family."Try to be the best!
Advice To Husbands
Jabir Narrated that the Prophet, peace be upon him, gave these instructions in his sermon during Farewell Pilgrimage: "Fear ALLAH regarding women; for you have taken them [in marriage] with the trust of
ALLAH ." [Mishkat]
Narrated Aisha,
Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam said: "Among the believers who show most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition, and are kindest to their families." [Tirmidhi]
Narrated Abu Huraira,
Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam said: "The believers who show the most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition and the best of you are those who are best to their wives." [Tirmidhi]
Aisha has related that the Holy Prophet, peace be upon him, would enter the house with a pleasing disposition and a smile on his lips. [Uswa-i-Hasana]
Narrated Al-Aswad: "I asked Aisha, `What did the Prophet, peace be upon him, do at home?' She said, `He used to work for his family and when he heard the call for the prayer, he would go out.'" [Bukhari]
Narrated Abu Huraira: "Allah's Apostle, peace be upon him, said, `The woman is like a rib; if you try to straighten her, she will break. So if you want to get benefit from her, do so while she still has some bent.'" [Bukhari]
Narrated Abu Huraira: "The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, `Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should not hurt (trouble) his neighbor. And I advise you to take care of women, for they are created from a rib and the most crooked portion of the rib is its upper part; if you try to straighten it, it will break, and if you leave it, it will reamin crooked, so I urge you to take care of women. [Bukhari]
Narrated Abdullah bin Amr bin: "Allah's Apostle, peace be upon him, said, `O Abdullah! Have I not been informed that you fast all the day and stand in prayer all night?' I said, `Yes, O Allah's Apostle!' He said, `Do not do that! Observe the fast sometimes and also leave them at other times; stand up for the prayer at night and also sleep at night. Your body has a right over you and your wife has a right over you.'" [Bukhari]
Narrated Ibn Umar: "The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, `All of you are guardians and are responsible for your wards. The ruler is a guardian and the man is a guardian of his family; the lady is a guardian who is responsible for her husband's house and his offspring; and so all of you are guardians and are responsible for your wards.'"
Men should forbear any shortcomings of women in view of the following verse of Quran:
Live with them in kindness; even if you dislike them, perhaps you dislike something in which
ALLAH has place much good. Quran [4 : 19]
Please do comment below, i will be happy to receive one from you! Jazakkallah!
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