Think Before You Speak: 5 Ways to Help You Choose Your Words Wisely

Abû Hurayrah relates that Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said: “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should speak a good word or remain silent. And whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should show hospitality to his neighbor. And whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should show hospitality to his guest.” [ Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim ]

“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” ~Napoleon Hill

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Here are 5 ways to help choose your words wisely: 

1. SPEAK WITH THE END IN MIND

Similar to Steven Covey’s 2nd Habit, Begin With The End In Mind, it is essential to use words and create a conversation that will move towards your desired outcome. When you provide feedback or share your opinion, identify your desired outcome before entering the conversation. Do you want a behavior change? Then choose words that will inspire that result.

2. ASK CLARIFYING QUESTIONS

Seek to understand that which is upsetting. By using a collaborative, problem-solving approach you can turn a challenge into an opportunity. Asking questions such as, “What was the biggest barrier you faced?”, “What would you want to do differently next time?”, “What was your greatest learning through this experience?” will allow you to explore the issue in a productive manner. Thought-provoking questions focus on the challenge while allowing the other person to keep their confidence and dignity intact.

3. DETERMINE THE NECESSITY

What is it time for? What feedback, input and guidance will add value in that moment? Although we are, by nature, problem-solvers, it is not always a time for learning. Sometimes it’s enough just to let the other person know that everything will be okay. Rather than jumping in to fix a problem or focusing on what is important to you, consider what is important to the situation. Ask yourself what will bring the greatest value in that moment, not only having a positive impact on the situation but also strengthening the relationship.

4. USE THE GOLDEN RULE

The Golden Rule: “Treat others the way you would like to be treated,” requires that you put yourself in the other person’s shoes. If you made a mistake, how would you want another to respond? What brings out the best in your performance? When you shift your perspective to see the situation through another’s eyes, your response will likely take a different tone.

5. BE KIND WITH YOURSELF

It is human nature to self-critique. In fact, many of us are our own worst critic. You may see your faults much more clearly than you see your strengths. Or you may focus on what could be better, rather than appreciating what is already working well. While perfectionism — holding high standards and settling for nothing less — can have its benefits, it can also have dire consequences. It can inhibit progress, create anxiety and lead to negative self-talk

Using a powerful technique: “Self Appreciations”, you can shift your inner dialogue and change the words you are using with yourself. Every day, take some time to reflect on what you appreciate about YOU…your strengths and your successes, no matter how small. Begin to change how you speak to and about yourself. For it is only when you see your own greatness that you can more readily see it in others.

“Words are singularly the most powerful force available to humanity. We can choose to use this force constructively with words of encouragement, or destructively using words of despair. Words have energy and power with the ability to help, to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to humiliate and to humble.”