Think Before You Speak: 5 Ways to Help You Choose Your Words Wisely

Abû Hurayrah relates that Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said: “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should speak a good word or remain silent. And whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should show hospitality to his neighbor. And whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should show hospitality to his guest.” [ Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim ]

“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” ~Napoleon Hill

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Here are 5 ways to help choose your words wisely: 

1. SPEAK WITH THE END IN MIND

Similar to Steven Covey’s 2nd Habit, Begin With The End In Mind, it is essential to use words and create a conversation that will move towards your desired outcome. When you provide feedback or share your opinion, identify your desired outcome before entering the conversation. Do you want a behavior change? Then choose words that will inspire that result.

2. ASK CLARIFYING QUESTIONS

Seek to understand that which is upsetting. By using a collaborative, problem-solving approach you can turn a challenge into an opportunity. Asking questions such as, “What was the biggest barrier you faced?”, “What would you want to do differently next time?”, “What was your greatest learning through this experience?” will allow you to explore the issue in a productive manner. Thought-provoking questions focus on the challenge while allowing the other person to keep their confidence and dignity intact.

3. DETERMINE THE NECESSITY

What is it time for? What feedback, input and guidance will add value in that moment? Although we are, by nature, problem-solvers, it is not always a time for learning. Sometimes it’s enough just to let the other person know that everything will be okay. Rather than jumping in to fix a problem or focusing on what is important to you, consider what is important to the situation. Ask yourself what will bring the greatest value in that moment, not only having a positive impact on the situation but also strengthening the relationship.

4. USE THE GOLDEN RULE

The Golden Rule: “Treat others the way you would like to be treated,” requires that you put yourself in the other person’s shoes. If you made a mistake, how would you want another to respond? What brings out the best in your performance? When you shift your perspective to see the situation through another’s eyes, your response will likely take a different tone.

5. BE KIND WITH YOURSELF

It is human nature to self-critique. In fact, many of us are our own worst critic. You may see your faults much more clearly than you see your strengths. Or you may focus on what could be better, rather than appreciating what is already working well. While perfectionism — holding high standards and settling for nothing less — can have its benefits, it can also have dire consequences. It can inhibit progress, create anxiety and lead to negative self-talk

Using a powerful technique: “Self Appreciations”, you can shift your inner dialogue and change the words you are using with yourself. Every day, take some time to reflect on what you appreciate about YOU…your strengths and your successes, no matter how small. Begin to change how you speak to and about yourself. For it is only when you see your own greatness that you can more readily see it in others.

“Words are singularly the most powerful force available to humanity. We can choose to use this force constructively with words of encouragement, or destructively using words of despair. Words have energy and power with the ability to help, to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to humiliate and to humble.”

Rani Chennamma of Kitturu

Dr Nanditha Krishna*

It is a little known fact that most of the revolts against British began in South India. Puli Thevar and Veerapandi Kattaboman, Palayakkarars (Poligars) of the mid- and late eighteenth centuries in Madras Presidency; the Marudu Pandyan brothers who revolted between 1799 and 1801; the Vellore Sepoy mutiny of 1806; and the revolt of Pazassi Raja of Kottayam in Kerala (1792 to 1805), are but a few examples of pre-1857 revolts. All the mutineers were ruthlessly killed – hanged, decapitated, or blown from canons - but they refused to apologise and get reinstated under British rule. There was great dissatisfaction in South India where the British were arbitrarily annexing lands and destroying flourishing local economies – textile, metallurgy and agriculture, among others – to be supplanted by revenue-generating transportation of local resources to the United Kingdom for boosting the British economy.

Rani Chennamma, the queen of Kitturu was one such warrior who led a war against British forces in early part of 19th Century when not many rulers were familiar with the evil designs of the British. She was the first Indian ruler to lead an armed rebellion against the British East India Company. She was outnumbered and arrested, but she is still remembered for leading the revolt against British rule in India.

Chennamma was born in Kakati, a small village in today’s Belagavi district of Karnataka. She became queen of Kitturu (now in Karnataka) when she married Raja Mallasarja of the Desai family. They had one son who died in 1824. After the death of her son, she adopted another child, Shivalingappa, and made him heir to the throne. However, the British East India Company did not accept this under the Doctrine of Lapse, a policy of annexation devised by the British East India Company.

According to the doctrine, any princely state or territory under the paramountcy (direct influence) of the British East India Company as a “vassal” under the British subsidiary system, would automatically be annexed if the ruler was either "manifestly incompetent or died without a male heir". This Doctrine rejected the long-established right of an Indian ruler without an heir to choose a successor. The doctrine was regarded by Indians as illegitimate. It was an arbitrary policy which snatched away kingdoms when there was no direct heir.The princely state of Kitturu was taken over by the British East India Company in 1824 by imposing the 'doctrine of lapse', even before it was officially articulated by Lord Dalhousie, Governor General for the British East India Company, between 1848 and 1856. It was probably the first instance of its application. Lord Dalhousie merely made it official in 1848 by documenting it officially. Dalhousie's annexations and the doctrine of lapse caused great anger among the ruling princes in India, making it one of the causes of the Indian Mutiny of 1857.

The British ordered Rani Chennamma to exile the adopted child Shivalingappa, using the policy of paramountcy and complete authority. But Chennamma defied the order. Rani Chennamma sent a letter to Lord Elphinstone, Lieutenant-Governor of Bombay Presidency, to plead the cause of Kitturu, but her request was turned down, and war broke out. The British tried to confiscate the treasures and jewels of Kitturu, valued at around Rs. 1.5 million, but in vain. With a force of 20,000 men and 400 guns, mainly from the third troop of Madras Native Horse Artillery, they attacked Kitturu. In the first battle on October 1824, British forces lost heavily and the Collector and political agent, St. John Thackeray, was killed by the Kitturu forces. Amatur Balappa, Chennamma’s lieutenant, was responsible for his death and the losses to the British forces. Two British officers, Sir Walter Elliot and Mr. Stevenson, were also taken as hostages. Rani Chennamma released them after a promise from the British that the war would end. But the British cheated her and re-started the war.This time, the British officer Chaplin actually continued the war with more forces. Mr. Munro, nephew of Sir Thomas Munro and sub-collector of Solapur, was killed. Rani Chennamma fought fiercely with the help of her lieutenants, Sangolli Rayanna and Gurusiddappa, but was outnumbered and ultimately captured and imprisoned at Bailhongal Fort, where she died on 21 February 1829. 

Chennamma was defeated in her last battle but she will always be remembered for her valour and for leading the first armed revolt against British rule in India. Chennamma’s first victory and her legacy are still commemorated annually in Kitturu, during the Kitturu Utsava held from October 22–24. Rani Chennamma’s is buried in Bailhongal taluk. Her samadhi is situated in a small park maintained by the Government.

On 11 September 2007, a statue of Rani Chennamma of Kitturu was unveiled at the Parliament complex in New Delhi by India’s first woman President, Smt. Pratibha Devisingh Patil. The statue was donated by the Kittur Rani Chennamma Memorial Committee and sculpted by Vijay Gaur.

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* Dr. Nanditha Krishna is a Chennai based historian, environmentalist and author of several books. She is also a professor at CP Ramaswami Aiyar Institute of Indological Research, affiliated to the University of Madras. 

Views Expressed in the Article are her personal.