The Fundamental Principles of Raising Children
By Jameel Ahmad Milansar
In our times, the upbringing of children has perhaps become the greatest challenge for parents. On one side rises the flood of modern technology, mobile phones, television, and social media; on the other, the traditional family structure and moral values that once formed the foundation of parenting are steadily fading away. Amid such change, parents must realize that guiding a child is no longer a matter of mere instruction or advice—it is a continuous act of love, trust, and awareness, each intertwined with the other.
The first principle of upbringing is love—yet not the love that indulges every whim or overlooks all faults, but the love that blends gentleness with understanding. When a child feels genuine affection and respect for you, your words will not need authority to be heard; your presence will itself become a lesson. It has been seen that harsh parents may command fear, but they seldom earn trust—and where trust is absent, discipline never lasts.
A mother’s lap holds a power no school can replace. In the early years, every gesture, tone, and interaction between parents plants silent seeds within the child’s soul. If a home nurtures affection and dignity, the child will carry those same virtues into the larger world.
Today’s parents suffer most from a poverty of time. Engulfed in work, devices, and endless screens, they forget that time itself is their truest gift. Just a few minutes spent speaking, listening, and understanding your child each day opens a door that no lecture can unlock. Many believe that good parenting means providing everything—education, clothes, and toys. Yet, character grows not from possessions but from presence.
If we converse with our children more often, take their small concerns seriously, and engage rather than dismiss their ideas, we grant them the confidence to think, to question, and to trust their inner voice. That confidence forms the bedrock of a sound personality.
A child does not learn what you say—he learns what you do. Every tone, every reaction, every choice of the parent becomes part of the child’s unconscious imitation. Should you preach honesty yet twist the truth for convenience, your sermon collapses under your own weight. Upbringing is not a function of speech, but of example. The behavior of parents is a living curriculum that teaches sincerity, patience, respect, and humility far more effectively than words ever can.
A child who sees kindness toward the weak, avoidance of gossip, gentle disagreements, and sincere apologies absorbs these patterns as natural virtues. In this way, every day, every response, and every unspoken gesture of the parents becomes a quiet but enduring classroom.
True guidance lies in balance—not in rigid enforcement nor unrestrained freedom. Excessive control breeds rebellion, while limitless liberty breeds chaos. The wise parent establishes boundaries wrapped in reason and love. For instance, if you wish to limit your child’s screen time, explain why rather than merely forbidding it. A child who understands a rule views it not as punishment but as protection.
Another great mistake of the modern age is neglecting moral and spiritual foundations. These are not ornamental—they are essential. They transform success into integrity and knowledge into wisdom. For if we urge our children only toward competition and grades, they may achieve worldly success yet still remain adrift without peace. Faith, patience, gratitude, honesty, and trustworthiness must be rooted in their hearts early, for only then will these values guard them later in life.
Let prayer, the recitation of scripture, and the practice of good manners become the rhythm of family life. Faith should not appear as an imposition but as the natural fragrance of home.
-
Spend fifteen minutes daily with your child—without phones or screens.
-
Create a “Family Code of Values” together and live by it.
-
Celebrate every success, however small, and encourage perseverance after every failure.
-
Set clear limits on social media—but explain them with care and reasoning.
Parenting is not the task of a day, a month, or even a year; it is the labor of a lifetime. There will be mistakes and disappointments, but what matters most is sincerity of intention. Keep shaping your children through affection, respect, and example. Methods may evolve with time, but the essence never changes: love, dialogue, example, and balance.
If we build these four pillars strong, our children will not only grow into fine human beings but also become enlightened citizens—torches that will light the way for generations to come.
Comments
Post a Comment